we will always change...

No matter how hard I try to push myself to go with the flow of things, there are times when I find myself caught in the past. Reminiscing the good old days when I would wake up knowing I have someone to love, now I feel like I'm living my worst nightmare. The one fear I have in my life is to live old all alone and never getting married. Then just yesterday, one of my cousins was showing me some pictures of a wedding of another cousin of ours. That instantly made me feel disgusted, which made me realize I'm back to who I was before I met Laila.

Ever since I was a kid, I always thought about love. With whom will I end up saying "I love you" everyday? How will I surprise her to show how she means to me? How is my future going to be like with her? From high school to my tertiary education days, the questions ponders in my head. Just when I thought I met the one, I really thought that Allah answered my prayers. Easing my worries that I don't have to fear what I dread the most, growing old alone. With so many chit-chat of how our future would be like, where we'll have the wedding, the name of our kids; but now, they're just nothing but words of thin air.

I really have to thank Hanu, Alyn and Azri for keeping up with me. Though I may not have that special person, but it's good to know I do have friends that cares about me. Yet because of them, they're the happiness that I now see and realize that I shouldn't be sad and push myself forward. People would tend to think that we want to relive the past, but that also means we don't want change in our life. People always change, whether for good or for bad. One thing for sure, although she was the one person whom I loved so much as of this moment, I really hate her for what she has done. I just hope she's smart enough to realize that I want to be more than strangers to her, I wish to remain non-existent in her life.